Dr. Dan Herman
The Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO, is widely recognized. Many of us know that FOMO affects us to varying degrees, yet we often overlook its profound influence on our lives, society, and culture. In this essay, I explore over thirty phenomena prevalent in our culture today that shape our mindsets and lifestyles. A common thread among these phenomena is the significant role of FOMO. It may not be the sole factor but is a central and common influence.
The Psychological Underpinnings of FOMO
At its core, FOMO stems from a fundamental human desire to make the most out of life. The multitude of choices, opportunities, and experiences presented to us, whether life-altering or mundane, often leaves us feeling on the edge of missing out on something genuinely exceptional. This sense of empowerment and entitlement leads us to believe that our self-worth and happiness hinge on maximizing what the world offers.
FOMO manifests as a pervasive anxiety that lurks in our minds, suggesting we are not living up to our potential and are lagging in the race to optimize our experiences. This internal unrest fuels a perpetual dissatisfaction, leaving us to ponder “what if” or “if only.” It sows seeds of doubt, hinting at better job opportunities, more fulfilling relationships, or more exciting lives that others seem to be living, pushing us towards an endless quest for improvement and alternatives.
FOMO’s Cultural Amplification
Culture significantly influences and amplifies FOMO, with celebrated success stories, busy lifestyles glorified, and idealized potentials advertised, especially on social media, showcasing life in brighter, more vibrant hues. This cultural landscape nurtures FOMO, driving a society constantly looking for the next big thing.
What are we afraid of missing?
We fear being out of the loop, not knowing, not participating, not being together with others in activities, not seizing opportunities to improve ourselves and our lives, not fulfilling the potential we have because of our constraints and limitations, and the biggest miss of all – aging, and eventually dying.
What triggers our FOMO varies individually. Generally, we fear missing whatever is important to us. Some might primarily fear missing out on their career, power, influence, or wealth. Sometimes, it’s about academic achievements. For some, it’s about leisure, enjoyable experiences, adventures, relationships, or sexual experiences. Our values and personalities influence the content of what each of us fears missing and the intensity of the FOMO experience.
FOMO: A Double-Edged Sword
While FOMO can motivate us to step out of our comfort zones and pursue growth, it can also become a source of chronic anxiety and dissatisfaction when it dominates, often creating more issues than it resolves.
From personal FOMO to mega-phenomena
The collective FOMO experienced by billions manifests as various societal mega-phenomena, influencing our lifestyles and societal trends in subtle yet significant ways.
Here’s a glimpse into how FOMO subtly shapes our world.
We fear that –
We do not achieve or experience enough, leading to –
- Busy and intense lifestyle: FOMO makes us believe we must continuously be doing something. It’s never enough to savor the day; we must maximize it.
- Multitasking: We try to do several things simultaneously because FOMO makes us fear missing out if we focus exclusively on a single task.
- Chronic lateness: Rushing from one experience to the next, FOMO convinces us we’re always late and perpetually playing catch-up
- Career hopping: Settling for one career seems limiting when FOMO tells us we’re missing our true calling or a more lucrative field.
- Wanderlust and global citizenship: FOMO makes us long to experience other cultures, potentially fueling dissatisfaction with our roots and the urge to live abroad.
- The Experience Economy: There’s a growing emphasis on collecting experiences over material goods. From exotic travel destinations to unique dining experiences, FOMO pushes us to seek out these moments, driven by the worry that we might miss out on life-defining memories.
- Stuck in arrested development: FOMO commits seem daunting, causing some young adults to linger in extended adolescence, delaying independent living and stalling career progression.
- Paralysis by Analysis: Faced with too many choices, whether in career paths, entertainment options, or even what to eat, FOMO can lead to decision fatigue and an inability to enjoy the present moment.
- Parental pressure: FOMO makes us worry our children aren’t developing quickly enough, leading us to overschedule them for fear they’ll miss out on a crucial skill, experience, or advantage.
- “Forever Young”: FOMO leads us to resist aging with vigor, fighting the natural process.
- Redefined grandparenting: The traditional grandparenting role is sometimes sacrificed to maintain personal freedom and pursue fresh experiences.
We are missing out on fleeting opportunities, leading to –
- Shortened attention span: FOMO trains our brains to crave novelty and quick hits of information, making sustained focus on any one thing more difficult.
- Smartphone addiction: FOMO generates low-level anxiety that an exciting opportunity or crucial bit of information might slip by us unnoticed. We compulsively check for updates to avoid missing out.
- Always mentally elsewhere: FOMO has us constantly comparing our lives to tantalizing glimpses of what others are doing, fostering a sense that we’re always missing out on something more exciting.
- Road accidents due to distracted driving: We risk catastrophic consequences because FOMO convinces us that missed text or notification might be life-changing.
- The Cult of the New: FOMO perpetuates that newer automatically means better. It undermines our appreciation and enjoyment of what we already have.
- Declining brand loyalty: We become fickle consumers because FOMO makes us question whether a better, cheaper, or more exciting option is always around the corner.
- Impulse buying and shopaholism fueled by FOMO: The fleeting satisfaction of purchasing something new masks the fear of missing out on great deals or limited-time offers.
- Deteriorating sleep quality: FOMO tempts us to squeeze in just one more thing before sleep or check our phones late into the night, sacrificing rest.
We are not enough, leading to –
- Physical self-optimization: From cosmetic procedures, aesthetic surgeries, teeth straightening, and whitening to diet and fitness regimens, FOMO constantly drives us to upgrade to achieve an elusive ideal.
- Changes in appearance: Changes in hair color and hairstyles, tattoos and piercings, clothing styles, and more, FOMO urges us to try new versions of ourselves.
- Personality makeovers: FOMO makes us doubt whether we’ve maximized our potential. It fuels our attempts to reshape our personalities to pursue increased success, happiness, or fulfillment.
- Personal transformation and growth: We need to “wake up the giant within,” find our genius zone, develop an abundance mindset, or be more at the moment.
- Evolving concept of “character” FOMO prizes flexibility and adaptability over the stability once associated with solid character. The idea of a fixed core identity becomes less appealing.
- Changing religious identity: FOMO can create doubt about our current beliefs, leading us to explore other faiths or philosophies and constantly question whether there’s a more fulfilling spiritual path.
- Embracing gender and sexual fluidity: FOMO pushes us to constantly question who we are, leading some to experiment or reinvent their sexual orientation or gender identity in search of a more authentic or fulfilling self-expression.
- The quarter-life crisis: FOMO intensifies existential anxieties in our 20s and 30s, making us question our life choices and worry desperately if we’ve chosen the “right” path.
- The magnified mid-life crisis: FOMO intensifies the desire to reclaim lost opportunities and adds a desperate edge to our search for fulfillment or change.
- Increased stress and unhappiness: The constant chase for “more” leaves us perpetually dissatisfied, leading to increased pressure and a decline in overall happiness levels.
Our relationships and family ties need redefining, leading to –
- Communities vs. Commitment: FOMO fosters a mindset of temporary involvement rather than deep belonging, as we’re always looking for a better, more exciting community.
- Delaying marriage (or opting out): FOMO can delay or negate traditional commitments. We might fear missing out on a “better” partner or a more independent lifestyle.
- Infidelity and divorce: FOMO fuels an underlying sense that we haven’t fully explored our options, tempting us to seek greener pastures outside of committed relationships.
- Choosing to be child-free: FOMO can create anxiety about missing out on career opportunities, personal freedoms, or travel if we choose to become parents.
Closing Thoughts
FOMO’s influence is far-reaching, affecting personal well-being, societal trends, and cultural norms. Recognizing and understanding this impact is crucial in addressing its challenges, enabling us to find balance and fulfillment in a world constantly enticing us with the promise of more.